Tom Cruise viral video - how to avoid a touchy subject
Tom Cruise viral video - how to avoid a touchy subject
An old video of Tom Cruise getting shirty with an interviewer has resurfaced and gone viral this week.
Whether Cruise is right or wrong to object to the questions, this is a masterclass in seeing how people react to a conversation which causes them stress. We’re helped by the fact that the actor is mostly honest in his replies.
Analysing the words shows what’s going on with Tom Cruise and can teach us what to look for when others don’t like the subject we’re talking about.
Let’s break it down
Interviewer: Was Nicole the love of your life?
Tom: What do y.. what do you mean Peter?
There are two indicators that this question has caused Tom stress. The first is that he starts to say something, then pauses and restarts. This shows he wants to be cautious with his words and that his brain is working very deliberately on the words to say.
The second is that he doesn’t answer the question. Instead, he asks a question in response. This will buy him more time for his already busy brain to think of the correct words to deal with this.
As an aside, it’s a “gotcha” question. If Cruise says “yes”, then that answer could generate many headlines, not just for him but for his ex-wife. It’s reasonable he would want to avoid that.
If Cruise says “no”, would that impact on their children? It’s also reasonable he would want to avoid that.
Int: You were married for 10 years.
Cruise: Listen, we raised children. I... Eh... You know... eh... how do you answer that question? She's someone that I... eh.., you know I plan on getting married again.
We see more restarts and added stammers here, showing that the stress is continuing for Tom. He stammers or pauses twice after saying “I”. Whatever comes after the “I” is something that he will have ownership of, it will be very personal, so he pauses to make sure he gets that right.
Once more, he has a question in reply to a question in there.
He finishes on a line that he hopes will take the line of questioning away from the one about his past relationship. He says he’d like to marry again. Talking about the future is much safer than talking about the past, you can say almost anything and not be challenged on it.
My other note is that it’s interesting that he starts the answer by saying “we raised children”. He’s been asked about the nature of his relationship with his ex and instead of talking about her or how the two of them relate, he talks about their children.
Moving on
Int: You do?
Cruise: Oh, absolutely, yeah
Int: And having kids?
Cruise: Absolutely
Although “absolutely” can sound solid, it’s usually a weak word. Here, Tom uses it twice instead of saying “yes”. My guess is that, at the time, he wasn’t committed to marrying again or having more kids. He just threw that line out to stop the questions he didn’t like.
Now he’s being asked more about it, as he’s not that bothered about these subjects, he answers with the weaker “absolutely” instead of “yes”.
Cruise does say a quiet “yeah” after the first “absolutely”, it’s not very convincing but suggests he was more keen on the idea of marrying again than having more children at the time.
If we go back a question, Cruise said “I plan on getting married again”. This is a passive statement, there is no passion or commitment in it. Merely “a plan”. This would explain the use of “absolutely” too. Marrying again is just a line he’s thrown out to move the interview on, he hasn’t given it much thought at all.
Int: But Nicole was a major part of your life and a love of your life at the time?
Cruise: I loved Nic, very much. There's no question.
Cruise used the past tense “loved” which shows he has no lingering feeling when he speaks. I do wonder why he felt the need to convince us that he loved her by adding “there’s no question”.
Int: Would you like Nicole to remarry?
Cruise: Yes, I want Nicole to be happy. That's what I want.
This is an honest answer. It’s extremely straightforward, and it’s a yes/no question he answers straightaway with “yes”.
There is a discrepancy with the answers. He’s asked if he would like Nicole to remarry, and he only says he wants her to be “happy”. Only he knows why he changed that, but I’m comfortable with it, as saying he wanted her to remarry could appear creepy or controlling.
Shutting down
Int: And do you have a relationship where you... you talk to, it’s a parenting relationship and talk professionally about each other’s..
Tom: Why don't we, why don’t we.., listen, here's the thing. Here's the thing, Peter, you're stepping over a line. Now you're stepping over the line. You know, you are
And the stress is back. Cruise realises his attempt to move the conversation onto ground that he felt less stressed on has failed, and he’s back on the subject of the ex-wife.
The stress shows again in his restarts and repeats as his brain works hard to find the words that will move on from this subject once and for all.
Int: I suppose the questions that people want to know,
Cruise: Peter. You want to know. Take responsibility for what you want to know. Don't say what other people, this is a conversation that I'm having with you. Right? Okay, so, I'm just telling you right now. Okay. Just put your manners back in.
Here, Cruise does my job. He’s analysed the words the interviewer has used and spotted possible deception.
When someone uses “people” as evidence for something, it’s weak and likely to be deceptive. If I claim “people” want to know the answer to a question, it can’t be proven. Who are these “people”? Where can I find them so I can check?
When someone claims “people” are doing or saying something, it usually means they are doing or saying the thing, not “people”. They might assume everyone feels the same, or they might be using “people” to strengthen what they are saying. The bottom line is that it’s rarely true.
The interviewer leaks that he isn’t entirely convinced by his argument, saying only “I suppose” it’s what people want to know.
Int: Do you think I was out of line?
Cruise: Yes, absolutely.
Int: Well, I apologise for that, sincerely.
Tom finishes with another “absolutely” but this time it follows a “yes”. It appears that Cruise does think the interviewer is out of line by saying “yes”. However, he might understand that it’s part of the game for the interviewer to try to get him to open up and reveal things he’s not spoken about before, this is why he adds “absolutely”.
Conclusion
This is a great case study in how people react when we ask them about things they don’t want to talk about. We’re helped a lot here by Cruise being honest and saying out loud a lot of what is going on in his head. The tactics he uses are the same as someone who is lying to us or being deceptive.
The stutters, restarts, and repeats in his answers show the questions have caused him stress and that his brain is working hard to find exactly the right words to say.
Likewise, the questions replying questions show that he is buying time to allow his hard-working brain to consider the best course of replies.
He tries to move the conversation onto subjects he is happier talking about.
As a bonus, Cruise shows us how deceptive the use of the word “people” can be.
This video may be going viral as it looks like a very awkward exchange, but it’s also a great way of learning how to analyse words.
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